"I’m Staying For The Kids"

Too often I hear people staying in bad marriages for their kids. We all want to raise our children in a two parent home. That is the dream…  Right?  What happens when the reality no longer lives up to the fantasy? I mean marriage is work. Some years are great, while others years are horrible. Many of us, including myself, have tried everything to make it work. Not necessarily in the right order, but we tried and failed. Sometimes it’s like picking up broken glass with your bare hands. But you realize your kids are used to seeing both of you and the notion of taking that from them seems heart wrenching. I mean staying married for the kids is the responsible thing? But it's not... It might be one of the silliest idea's we have come up with, just to avoid or delay starting over.

I grew up without my mother. My step mother loved me the best way she knew how. Sometimes it was hard, but not as hard as living with both of my parents. They were hell together.  When it was good it was good, but when it was bad, it was horrible.   I mean bad like furniture turned over horrible. They weren't right for each other... I am an adult now…  I survived... I had a mother and another mother that loved me. It was bonus. FYI I know messed up adults that came from two parent homes. Living with both parents doesn't guarantee a less dysfunctional child. The goal is to ensure your child is well rounded. With love, support, and stability any child is destine for greatness.  Keep in mind children are resilient and with the right emotional support ultimately they will be happy just because their mommy and daddy are. Also I have found that my friends whose parent got a divorce when they’re adults seem to be the most traumatized. They never saw it coming, because their parents were so good at pretending.  As parents it is our responsibility to be the example for our children, so staying together faking to be in love would be a lie. We owe our kids more then that.

I know many of you are thinking lies are okay to protect our children. However are we really protecting them or hurting them? The reality of life is people change and things fall apart sometimes. We should be showing our children how to pick up the pieces and move on with our sanity intact. I couldn't imagine living a lie. Honestly I did try…. I tried to live a lie… Sounds crazy saying it out loud... Not just for the kids, I tried for him and us. I remember when my ex husband and I were going through the motions. We confused the hell out of our children. And mentally we put each other in some crazy places, trying to force what we lost. It was like we were never on the same page at the same time... I remember once my ex-husband bought me a new dryer, new furniture, and mailed me divorce papers all the same week. I really didn't even know what to think. Who does that?  Talk about confusing... I eventually learned to love my self enough to remove myself from the roller coaster. You have to put your own oxygen mask on first.

In retrospect we lost so many good years going through the motions. I wish we had of known when to walk away. We set a piss poor example dragging everything out. We dragged it out for years. I remember my daughter asked me one day if my boyfriend's daughters lived with his wife. Assuming everyone is married and separated... Divorce in its self is definitely a process.  A process that impacts you and your children. However if that is the road you are taking, there is no need to delay, the sooner you start, the sooner the healing begins for everyone.

Here is some GOOD ADVICE:

I know you want to stay for your children. I mean its easier too. But.... I have an alternative suggestion once the spark is gone, you have tried everything you can to make it work. I do mean everything; many fail to realize marriage isn't always a walk in the park on a bright sunny day. Sometimes marriage can be like getting your car stuck in the middle of nowhere, in a blizzard, with no cell phone reception, hopeless. Once you have exhausted all possibilities and you can’t fathom staying together for each other, please show your children how to gracefully pick up these pieces and move on with your life. Let them know one bad apple doesn't spoil the barrel. That life can and will go on. Time heals wounds and we are equipped to love again, even after heart break. We are the example, we should be showing them what a real partnership looks and feels like. If they can't learn that from us, then who? There is so little love is this world, I would be afraid to leave the teaching up to anyone but me. 

Living In The Past

Life isn’t about how you start it is how you finish. Our surroundings shape and influence our path. The choices that seemed like a mistake can easily be chalked up as life experience, if only we would allow ourselves the perception to see that. As a child someone had to tell you no, even then you may have done it anyway, only to feel the wrath of the consequences. That’s how you learned. The very state of living and pursuing happiness at its best is a controlled experiment. We are all in a lab creating our own perfect dosage of what gratification is. As we change so does the recipe.

Often many of us live in the past. The baggage of the past controls our thoughts, actions, inaction, and impacts our relationships. You don’t get very far if you are on a journey and you keep stopping to look back. We can’t grow, nor do we allow others to grow if we’re constantly piling on their previous indiscretions and constantly reminding them of who they use to be. Many of us are so progressive we aren’t even the same person we were a year ago, let alone 10 years ago.

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” – 1 Corinthians 13:11

Life is all about growing. You want to get better and better every day. We must let go and forgive. When you forgive someone including yourself, you only have to do it one time. Even as a Christian we believe that if we repent our slate is wiped clean. God doesn’t remind us what we did last week, month or year. Despite this we hold guilt over ourselves and others. This has to stop. There should be no regret or shame. In my Erykah Badu voice, “You are going to hurt your back, dragging all them bags.”

[News Flash] No matter how hard you try you can’t change what’s already been done.

You wouldn’t be where you are today had it not been for the choices you made. Even if you aren’t where you want to be, there were a series of actions and reactions that led you here. Even if you are not proud of the decisions you made, if you’re still here to talk about it, you were successful. Successful in making it out alive. Your mess can now become your message. Life is all about living and learning. Those skeletons in the closet only represent where you have been. They do not determine where you are going.

Living in the past will undermine your future. Never apologies for who you were, because it shaped you. Smart people learn from their mistake and the wise learn from other people’s mistakes. There will always be better choices that you could have made. Trust that you made the choice that made sense to you at that moment, as did anyone else. There is no shame in making mistakes, only shameful thing would be not learning from them. Be imperfect, so you can perfect it.

5 Reasons to Never Reveal a Crush

Everyone has had a crush. You know someone you liked from a far. You don't really know them, but something about them attracted you. Something made you want to get to know them. It could be as simple as something they said, you resonated with. Usually it’s that girl or guy you see all the time but never quite caught their name. If you’re shy like me, you wouldn't use it if you found out anyway. Usually I just admire from distance. Their persona is so right you would talk to them in a suit or a ball cap. A real cool person, you always see them laughing, joking, or even conversing intellectually.

A crush has a certain kind of mystery. There is more than what meets the eye. You might exchange a few casual “Hi’s” or “Hello’s”, possibly even a few compliments. After all you barely know this person. Yet you want to. Then again maybe you should keep your distance. I know many of you are thinking “Why not just say something?” Well a crush is a very delicate matter. There are so many factors that contribute to making the decision of ousting yourself.

ONE

Your crush may not even be in to you. All that casual conversation and flirting you thought you were doing, they were just being polite. They don’t like you.

TWO

The crush AKA Mr. or Mrs. Right is so great, they’re already in a relationship. Yes, you weren't the only person that recognized their greatness. Which would put us right back at number 1. They’re not into you.

THREE

A crush is a great fantasy, someone you don’t know, but think you like, because you perceive them to be a certain way. The reality may never even live up to the fantasy. Why set yourself up for disappointment? Plus this crush allows you to still be disillusioned and believe that there are still great quality people out there. (They’re out there, but they are scarce)

FOUR

Once you acknowledge the “Crush” they are no longer just a Crush. You just put yourself out there to someone you hardly know and who hardly knows you. Now of course this could be an awkward situation because we aren’t the most trusting people. You could totally lose your crush all together. Then who would you casually flirt without being pressured?

FIVE

Why is it that I have to climb 1000 mountains to get to you and all you have to do is smile to get to me? Do you really think you are the only person that likes this charming and charismatic person? You could be one of many subscribers. This means you are like everyone else. If they have a slew of crushes you're lost in the mix. You were doing better, not saying anything at all.

I usually preach about taking risk, but you need to calibrate if this person is worth the risk. Be aware when professing or acknowledging your feelings towards someone you don’t know, they may not know you well enough to appreciate who you are or the opportunity you are placing in their lap. I say opportunity because you should always know your value and that your worth it. I recommend trying to get to know the person before professing the crush, even if there is an obvious attraction. If you develop a friendship first, at the very minimal they will let you down easy because they respect you and your feelings.

Hypocrisy (The Poetic American Regime)

Don't Ask, Don't Tell, The biggest sacrifice, Yet still willing to lay down their life

Will gays only be liberated in death Or persecuted for living their life, By these pro lifers

Conservatives there is no life In the death penalty, Ask Troy Davis

I thought you said in God We Trust, Do we no longer trust HIS judgment

Oppression shoots arrows in many directions, Layered with Animosity for America’s Atrocities

There is no Honor in Poverty or Death , Words laced with Cyanide

You criticize Universal Health Care, What about Corporate Welfare

Greed is our nations Pride, Wealth has become our Kryptonite, Our nation Divides

Superman can't even save the day, Hope, Has faded away

The House of Reps totally in the way, There is No Unity in Dividing, Open your eyes America

Realize you have been enslaved by CAPITALISM and you’re engaged in Political Warfare

Immigration reform, they keep the illegals illegal so they can keep Slave Waging them

There is profit in war, that’s why we keep engaging in them, again and again

Packaging it up and relabeling it, NO BID PRIVATE CONTRACTS

Elitism, Fascism, Self-serving, Undeserving, War Waging

Anything to protect their Prophet, Materialized, Itemized and Labeled For Sale

Wall Street, Revenue Avenue, Where the Picketing and Protesting Begins, It never ends

Congress lobbied and owned by special interest, Big Business what about our best interest

We're our own enemy, As I look in the mirror, wounds inflicted by personal agenda's

Manufactured fear, Debt debacle, Government shut down, Bureaucracy

Attacking our Educators, The facilitators of Our youths American Dream

When the Capital is gone Knowledge is the only Power, You would rather have the People Powerless

Money squandered on a war, You say you want to end, Yet we begin again, And again

We kill in the name of Democracy, It's HYPOCRISY, too many casualties, On both sides

Every season, We find a new reason, To declare war, Whether it be foreign or domestic

Assassinating the unions, dismantling disaster relief, killing entitlements, big business you’re the thief

I find no relief in your paid version of SMALL to "No" GOVERNMENT, No Solutions,

You seem to only throw stones

Shattering the American Dream, No Hope, Or Chance For Change

The Love Challenge

Everyone wants to be loved; it’s a form of acceptance, even if they claim they don’t. See, Love is the one thing we all can’t live without. I think that’s why it makes us so vulnerable because it's a need. It's kinda scary to need something that can't be guaranteed. Love requires a dependence. Or does it? Society has created a false illusion of what love really is. Love places no demands except asking that your lover be happy and satisfied in love. Yet that seems like to much. We hold so much back in the name of love. We create outlandish expectations and restrictions which prevent us from obtaining the love we want.

Some people take a life time to master the art of loving and accepting love; wandering in love in fear. We keep it safe. We find ways to meet that need, without having to drop our guard or let someone in. I guess it’s less likely they could ever hurt you. Also less likely they could ever love you too. People are not perfect, but if love is anything it’s forgiving. Sometimes we will all fall short in love, there is no one safe from being disappointed by a loved one, and this includes friends, family, and companions. While we are not perfect, however we are made perfect in love.

I’m not quite sure which is more rewarding giving love or receiving love. Both are strong and courageous acts of humanity. Love is humbling freedom. A euphoric high in itself, it will have you floating because it is the most precious thing on earth, almost heavenly. Yet so many people find the L word scary. People are afraid of something they may not be able to maintain or keep. That’s where they make their mistake. Love isn't about ownership, it’s free flowing. Love is omnipresent, boundless, and endless. Love has no reservations, fears, or doubts. Love is trusting, patient, kind. Love is acceptance. Meaning the only thing you have to do is be you and I will love you. You can make a mistake and I will still love you.

Real love isn’t fragile; you cannot drop and break it. It’s unconditional, forgiving, and solid. We make love seem so hard. Yet I think the only true obstacle is moving out of loves way so that it can happen. You must be open to receive, and give without skepticism. We are so reluctant in love we complicate it. We must recondition ourselves to remove the red tape that undermines love.

Loving makes you grow, it teaches, it appreciates. Love is magical when it’s acknowledged whether it is between a man and woman, parent and child or friends. It’s all the same when you look at it. So what are you afraid of? Get out and love!

The TeaParty is Over!!!

We keep watching the world news waiting and amazed by other countries fighting to overthrow their corrupt government. Yet not for one moment did we ask ourselves; why are we so intrigued with their battle? Hmm. Deep down we wish we had the courage to do the same. We just don’t feel desperate enough. It hasn’t impacted us directly enough to have a sense of urgency.

Look at Wisconsin!!! I ask why wait until the fight comes to your door? Why give them the opportunity? Besides who is to say you will not be the last person standing. Who will fight for you, when there is no one left? We have to speak up for the people that can’t speak for themselves; the children, the poor, impoverished, uneducated, under educated, the sick and shut in, and the elderly. Or maybe you feel hopeless? The moment hopelessness and government are literally connected we fall into a serious state of emergency.

It’s time for change. America voted for change in 2008. Now as a disclaimer change can be hard, uncomfortable almost; for good reason you have never been there before. But if you go with the flow change is smooth and sweet. You have to really want it and be ready for it when it is knocking at your door. I urge everyone to prepare and be a part of the change they want to see. Our own democracy is being destroyed by self-serving politicians, lobbyist, and misinformed Americans. They are so afraid of change they are resisting every way possible through sabotage, slander, and propaganda. I have never seen a group of people so dead set on making the President fail, it’s absolutely sinful. This is interesting too, because most claim to be Christians. What would Jesus do? I’m sure he wouldn’t say, “Entitlement programs like Social Security and Medicaid is a far better choice than cutting discretionary spending. We need wars and bail-out money for big silly banks, not medical care for our children whose parents can't afford it.” The hate is disgusting and seems to be contagious. The fear is like poison. Our nation is rotting, infected by greed, chaos and disorder.

The GOP would allow the nation to fail, just to make a mockery of one individual, only to prove a point. The only point they will really be proving is they don’t give a fuck about the American people. The GOP just wants President Obama to fail. Apparently no one taught them about sportsmanship. They are so mad that Barack Obama became the first black president. The man was so charismatic he single handedly inspired a nation with a message of hope and change. For some reason the idea of making America a better place scared the shit out of to many conservatives. The Hobbits don’t want hope or change. They’re fear mongers, that’s when they thrive and are at their best. Look Hobbits, naysayers, GOP if President Obama fails, we fail, and we fail hard!

At this point democrat or republican shouldn’t even matter. Are you an American? I represent the American Party. That’s my people. That’s who I roll with. And we roll deep, over 310 million strong… We will not always agree on everything but right now we need to be supporting our president. Our president is definitely leading from the front and he is urging every American to allow they’re voices to be heard, over the big faces being flashed by the lobbyist. The GOP wants you to feel powerless or like there is nothing you can do. The tea party isn’t rallying like the use to. The crowds have gotten smaller and smaller. Now it’s time for a movement of solidarity among Americans. We will get through this debt ceiling crisis and dismantle anyone attacking our nation’s progress foreign or domestic.